Thursday April 18th, 2024
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12 Things You Have To Do Before 2015

You know, before they're so 2000 and late...

Staff Writer

12 Things You Have To Do Before 2015

Ah another year has flown by. We’ve done so much (not really). So much we are proud of, so much we regret. It’s really mainly just things we regret. Actually, we’d really like a general do-over, time gods. Alas, that’s not happening. So you might as well try and salvage what’s left of 2014. Obviously we don’t mean start that Crossfit training you’ve been promising yourself, or stop smoking – that’s just ridiculous. But here are some things you should do before father time takes another year and bring on 2015.

1. Learn to twerk. It was the year of twerk-gate, and if you have yet to master this absurd erratic ass shake, now’s the time to do it. So one day you can tell you children, kids, back in my day, we used to turn around and vigorously shake our asses like battery-powered butts. Ah, the good old days. Always keeping it classy, our generation.

2. Go to Matarma bay. It was the year of the hipster and Matarma embodies all things hippie-dippie, free-spirit, kite-surfey, let’s-strum-guitars and be chill beach vibes. And it’s beautiful. You have 6 days to go before it becomes ‘mainstream’.

3. All you can eat burgers at Burgerque! This is not for the faint of heart but we all know one of your New Year’s resolutions will be diet, lose weight, work out, blah blah. So just finish off this year on a fat note weh khalas.

4. Take a hot air balloon ride in Luxor. IT’S SO INSTAGRAMMABLE.

5. Make this the year you actually watch all the Oscar nominated films. You can do it. Be cultured. Granted they're not out yet, but the shortlist is, and so are the Golden Globe noms and those are essentially the Oscar noms. 

6. This was the year Cairo went crazy for Coke cans with people’s names on them. Whatever, it appeals to your most basic, narcissistic self to see your name on a can of Coke. It just does. And yes the frenzy’s been over for a while now, but collect all the ones you can with your name on them now while you still can. Come 2015 they’ll never be made again. Never. NEVER.

7. So in the past month, Spiderman roaming Cairo went viral. Then Batman appeared. Now is your chance to dress up like one of the remaining superheroes and run around the city before all the good ones are taken and then it’s like, so last year.

8. Take the new metro line before it turns into an old metro line and resembles the rest of our decrepit metros. It’s air conditioned, people. Air conditioned.

9. We didn’t get snow this year. In fact, you could still basically wear a t-shirt out if you needed to. But the foreigners don’t know that. It’s still December – you can still Photoshop snow on the Pyramids to fuck with foreign media.

10. Buy a bottle of wine – it’s the last time you can get one that’s made in 2014. And then keep it and one day you can say you have a vintage bottle. Perhaps it will be the first bottle to kick-start your vintage wine collection for one day when you’re a classy older adult. Or perhaps you’ll drink it alone at home in your sweatpants one day.

11. This was the year of the fashion blogger in Egypt. #ElGhalebFehEverywhere. Everyone’s a fashion blogger now. If you have sartorial aspirations we suggest you get on that now before there’s just no more room for you in the fashionblogisphere.

Photo courtesy of Ahmed Zaatar
12. Dubsmash. It’s everywhere. It’s really starting to get on our nerves. Having said that, we just made one eight minutes ago. But by the new year it will have been replaced with some other app phenomenon that’s equally stupid but addictive. So do your Dubsmash video now before it’s too late.