Friday March 31st, 2023
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How to Not Work at Work

10 easy steps to help you procrastinate through your workday without your boss noticing.

Staff Writer

1. Open a word document and stare at it deeply, like you’re in the early stages of a eureka moment. 

2. Try and go through BuzzFeed posts without laughing 

3. Pretend you have to run down to the koshk to buy cigarettes (CAUTION: you might run into your boss at the koshk).

4. Spike your morning coffee to help you get through the day.

5. Pretend you're looking for an important number on your phone and not sexting with that hot guy on Twitter.

6. Say you have an important phone call you have to take outside.

7. Google "how to stay awake at work." 

8. Order food and eat really, REALLY slowly (if anybody asks, just say you're very passionate about food).

9. Keep thinking about that beautiful moment when you're going to be reunited with your bed.

10. Spend 30 minutes praying.