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Lashes for Drunkenness

In another turn for the worse, an Egyptian man was sentenced to 80 lashes for drunkenness and possession of drugs...

In another amazing turn for Egypt, a man was sentenced to 80 lashes for being publicly drunk and in possession of 25 grams of hashish. The order to lash came from the Matay village prosecutor in Minya, Hussein Anany, against Mohamed Ragab, a 30-year-old Musicians Syndicate employee.

The prosecutor assigned a policeman to carry out the sentence in accordance with Sharia, which penalises drunkards with 80 lashes, after which Ragab would have been released.Thank you vague constitution with Islamic undertones, this is awesome! Luckily for Ragab, and mankind, the sentence was cancelled. But this got me thinking: if Egypt is slowly becoming Saudi Arabia (thank you revolutionaries, I feel really free now) and we’re going to start lashing people for frivolous crimes, I have a few suggestions of what constitutes a lash-able offence:

1)      Walking into Tamarai without heels: 30 lashes.

2)      Not using a shatafa: 2,000 lashes.

3)      Not going to Nacelle and understanding music: 75 lashes.

4)      Buying water that is not Nestlé: 10 lashes.

5)      Buying pretentious, gourmet koshary: 50 lashes.

6)      Being a revolutionary socialist: 200 lashes (you do nothing).

7)      If your Facebook profile says you live in the US, when you’ve only been there once on holiday: 60 lashes.

8)      Being Adam Mowafi:  400 lashes.