Wednesday 7 of December, 2022
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What the Hell are La Vista Developments Up to?

We keep seeing a bunch of their cryptic as hell billboards, and now we’re firmly holding onto our tinfoil hats.

Staff Writer

Ah yes, numbers; the language of the universe and high-school diplomas or whatever. To think that a seemingly random amassment of mathematical algorithms, equations and other maths words come together to form the essence of almost all known sciences (except English lit) is as enlightening as it is overwhelming. In any case, we’re terrified of it and would rather not have to deal with it altogether, but seeing as part of our job revolves around advertorials, we’re obligated to wither whatever tide that comes our way.

All was fine in the MO4 queendom, that is, until the La Vista nation attacked with a bunch of billboards all over the streets of our humble Cairo, as well as on the way to Sokhna (when they let us off our leashes), complete with a... disturbing algorithm.

Earlier today, our chief conspiracy theorist took a photo of one of the billboards (he also takes pictures of ducks), containing nothing but their logo, and “12 + 16.” Hearkening back to the former statement; we’re legit terrified of numbers, so when something like this comes along, we immediately switch to high-alert mode. What in the ever-loving shawerma is 12+16? Is it 28? Is it 1216? Is it a nuclear launch code? To get to the bottom of it all, we employed a liberal measure of investigative journalism to find out what this nonsense is all about.

12 + 16 is 28, 28 is divisible by 1, 2, 4, 7 and 14. Using the Reverse-Chromatic-Jerboa method™, we ascertained that it is a member of the infamous Fibonacci-esque sequence of digits; the Keith numbers. Who is Keith? Is he an architect? If so, does he build compounds or doomsday devices? Is he more of a fan of Muay Thai or Mai Tais? Then again, 28 is the last number in the early Indian magic square of order 3; meaning Indians might be involved. An Indian scheme to lay claim to all of Egypt’s integers? Oil? Shawerma? But wait, 28 is the atomic mas of silicon, as well as being the atomic number of nickel. Could this mean that whatever the hell is going on has something to do with nickels?

Worse yet, 28 just so happens to be the number of days an average human menstrual cycle takes to uhh…restart. Could this be an even more malicious patriarchal attempt on womankind? Goddammit La Vista what are you up to?