10 Best Things About Curfew

Nothing good happens after 3 AM. Fact. You know this very well, yet there's always that intoxicated voice in the back of your head screaming: No! Let's keep this night going. Maybe we'll find the loves of our lives and end up on a yacht in the middle of the sea! No, no you won't. You'll end up on the dirty sofa of a stranger’s house surrounded by five sweaty guys and a haggard Moroccan chick taking turns to straddle you all.

Boosting local tourism

With white people still somewhat scared to come and see our big triangles, hotels have had to look to their local market to keep revenues up which is great news for us and them. Almost every hotel has fantastic rates these days, and everyone is checking in because it's easier to crash at a hotel after a soiree out then have to rush to get back home before curfew.

Productivity

You can use this time to finally get on with all these projects you've you’ve put off for most of your life, waiting for when you “have the time,” whether it's learning a new skill like music production or unicycling, writing that screenplay that's going to make you rich or actually tidying up your mess of a cupboard, full of shit you don't need. Then you find the box of ex-girlfriend paraphernalia, but it's okay! You don't get melancholic about it; you're too busy with your unicycling career to care.

Better relationships

When you can't spend every night with each other, you get less bored of each other and it makes any relationship more exciting. Think late night sexting and naked Skype dates. Plus guys can now relate to girls when they say they have to be home for curfew.

Careers

Not being out late every night means sleeping early which means getting to work on time fresh and early. The curfew helps erase that two hours usually spent first thing in the office when you're thinking "I'm too hungover for this shit" whilst aimlessly scrolling through embarrassing pictures of yourself from the night before, thinking "I'm too old for this shit." You can thank the curfew for your next promotion.

Family

Believe it or not, you wouldn't be alive, let alone going out, if it weren't for your parents. More time at home means more time with the family. Your mother misses you, Put down that unicycle for a second and have a chat with her. See what your siblings are doing with their lives and ask your dad about something other than money. Friends come and go, you know...

Food

Thanks to the curfew, those late night moments of weakness with a Spicy Dinner Box, followed by a day of regret and diarrhoea are a thing of the past. Food joints closed early which means you're forced to cook for yourself for once, which means healthy eating and healthy living.

Catching up

For starters, during curfew, when you're at home, you know everyone else is also at home, so you know for a fact you're not missing out on anything. That means you can catch up on anything you have missed out on, guilt-free, from books to movies and TV show marathons. What's all this about Malcolm in the Middle's dad cooking meth?

Find yourself

When you're constantly surrounded by people, they interfere with your own frequencies. You start to forget what exactly it is that makes you, you. Some alone time is fantastic for connecting with your true self again through solitude, meditation and reflection...

And masturbation.