No bribes were involved in the writing of this article.
The Egyptian police often get a hard time from the general public. So here at Cairo Scene we feel that now is the time to give you the definative list of things we love about za Bolice.
1. Relieving us of excess cash
We've all been there - you have just been paid and now you're carrying around all of that extra cash in your wallet. This brings about many problems including the need to hide it from would-be muggers (See point #5). However za Bolice are more than happy to help you out. Kol sana wenta tayeb.
2. Easier than Alcoholics Anonymous
Doctors, your adiction counsellor and even your parents have been telling you for years that you drink too much. But we'll be damned if you ever listen, especially as you jet off to Gouna with bottles and bottles of that illicit foreign alcohol. However, that was all before the watchful eye of the Bolice stopped you at a lagna and relieve you of the ilicit nectar - unless of course you happen to have the reciept, a model replica of the builiding in which you bought it and the guy who sold it to you tied up in the trunk.
3. Having awesome moustaches
Police all over the world have a number of different characteristics - and in Egypt are guys certainly know how to rock an awesome
moustache. Hitler would be proud.
4. Keeping the tea industry alive
The guys and girls of the NYPD like nothing more than a good cup of coffee and our guys are forever drinking a cup of tea. Sometimes it's literally the same cup for years. Kind of like how you have one favourite mug at home.
5. Helping nobody...ever
In other parts of the world the police are often used as a safety net by the local populous leading to a seemingly endless string of ridiculous 999 calls, complaining about everything from TV interference to cats stuck up tree. Not in Egypt though, where the police will ignore even major crimes with a shrug, allowing you the opportunity to live out your childhood dreams and play detective.
6. Keeping foreigners in line
If there's one thing our boys in white (in the summer, black in the winter) excel at, it's keeping those pesky western khawagas in line. Whether its making them sweat over a barely expired visa or generally humiliating them when they can't speak perfect Arabic, our guys show those guys their place. After all, remember what happened the last time we let the invaders take over?