Karim Rahman gives us a fool-proof, twelve-step guide to being both fabulous and a fashionista. In case you were wondering...
Being a fabulista is hard. In case you were wondering, I did indeed just make that word up. A fabulista is not the female version of a hustler (sadly), but rather a fabulous person and a fashionista rolled into one; think Hoso Maki but with extra glitter. Better yet, think Beyoncé. It is no point of concession that everything about Cairenes screams fabulista-wanna-be; everyone with floral printed pants/hipster shades/yellow shoes is a stylist, everyone in a hippie get-up and deep Instagram shots is an artist and everyone who went to at least one Teadance is a socialite. But it takes more than that to become one with the fabulous. In fact, being a fabulista is a full time job and requires constant diligence and an even higher degree of dedication that most of us do not have the energy to maintain for regular day-to-day activities.
I've been talking about the fabulous life and being a part of (or desiring to be) said life for far too long. However, I never really broached the subject of how one becomes part of the glitz and the glamour. In fact, upon further introspection, I've discovered that I myself know next-to-nothing about the life I'm so desperately trying to carve a name for myself in. It's not like they give you a manual and none of Paris Hilton's books contain any useful information (I checked). Enough is enough, though. It's time the secret life of the fabulista be revealed unto the world. After much soul searching (read: getting drunk), I've devised the short-list manuals to beat ALL short list manuals. Without further ado, here's the definitive guide to becoming a fabulista in Cairo:
1- If CairoZoom isn't there, neither are you.
2- A fabulista must find the least exhausting job, but the most fabulous one. Any urban, glossy magazine will do (read: CairoScene).
3- Speaking of CairoScene, a fabulista must never get on CS's managing editor's bad side. Ever.
4- Always befriend bouncers/bartenders/people in charge of reservations; they are your TRUE weapons.
5- A fabulista never shops in Bershka. Ever.
6- Subsequently, a fabulista must also own at least one "thrift store" item in their wardrobe and call it "hobo-chic"..
7- One must never skip more than two Teadances per season. Subsequently, one must constantly brag about knowing/being friends with Ganzoury (even if the only social interaction they've had with him was brush past him at one of his parties).
8- Fabulistas rarely ever go to Nacelle. It's too hardcore for them and CairoZoom are barely ever there (refer to 1st rule).
9- Never Instagram DURING a party; it's always after it or the next day. If it is the next day, caption must consist of only one hashtag, no sentences EG: #lastnight).
10- Sushi is the new brunch, Crumbs is the new Nola, Cronuts are the new cupcakes and The Lemon Tree & Co. is the new Left Bank.
11- A fabulista must always have an arsenal of obscure designer names on hand should they want to seem progressive, even if they have never seen any of said designer's work.
12- Must be Lupita Nyong'o.
Some people have bibles; I have this very simple 12-step program (not to be confused with my AA program). I like to think that me sharing this is good karma, and will effectively help create a better, more conscious new generation of fabulistas in the Cairo social scene. Notice how I did not mention romantic involvements: that is because you need nothing more than your love for attention and a passion for social domination to become a fabulista. Or a Teadance reservation; that works fine too.