It's wedding season and God knows Egyptian couple could do with some help...
Wedding season is upon us! That time of year when your weekends are so crammed with matrimonial invites that you can never just skip town for the weekend. More frustrating than being stuck in Cairo, and having to find a new gown weekly, is figuring out what to get the happy couple. Here are some suggestions that might help you out.
A book on sex education/the Kama Sutra
Having been banned by society from having sex pre-wedding, most couples (err, debatable) have probably not slept with each other before lelet el dakhla. They could certainly use a little help in the bedroom; you know, tips and whatnot about what goes where and how it all works. We want that honeymoon to be an enjoyable experience for them, not two inexperienced (err, debatable) adults fumbling around in the proverbial dark.
Any Good Egyptian Wife should know how to cook for her hubby; this is just part of her wifely duties, yo. A marriage with a wife who doesn’t know her way around the kitchen? Definitely grounds for divorce. These cooking classes (for the wife of course) will ensure that the two have a long and happy molokheya-filled marriage!
As soon as those rings are on those fingers, married couples tend to find no need for maintaitning their figures. You don't need to remain fit and fabulous to catch a man; you've already nabbed him. You are now free to spend hours drowning in your couch/tub of ice cream, just packing on those pounds. And the men, benefitting from all the aforementioned cooking classes, will be sporting bellies that jut out over the top of their pants in no time. Eventually the two will lose interest in each other's flabby bodies and thus their marriage will fall into disrepair. Help them avoid this by getting them a device that keeps them looking sexy and fit, so they can make use of that Kama Sutra book you got them for many, many years to come.
Traditionally, baby clothes come with the impending arrival of an actual baby. However, we all know wifey will get knocked up on the honeymoon as part of the race against the biological clock that plagues Egyptian society and the couple will come back with the announcement that they're expecting. Egyptians don’t like to leave a few years in the marriage before trying for kids – it is a sign of failure if you aren’t pregnant within a fews months. So really, you're just thinking ahead by getting them baby clothes.
A Spare Room
Egyptian mothers refuse to acknowledge that the umbilical cord was ever cut with their sons. They will infiltrate each and every aspect and element of the couples' marriage; it is their inherent right as mothers to do so. Obviously. This is not a marriage between people; it's a marriage between families. Now, considering that, like it or not, the mother-in-law will be around all the time, be a dear and buy the couple a useful present in the form of a spare room for one or both of their mothers.