Wednesday June 19th, 2024
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No Mo' Mosquito

The greatest fuckery in life is a buzzing mosquito as you sleep. A group of American and Egyptian scientists come to the rescue...

Staff Writer

No Mo' Mosquito

Each hot, muggy Cairo night you lie in constant fear as a single mosquito taunts you, , its lingering, chronic, unmitigated buzzing sounds of irritation piercing through your very soul like a cold spoon through a freshly made bowl of roz bil laban. It is the size of Misr Gadida and has the willingness of the Terminator in Terminator 2. On occasion it will lull you in to a false sense of security by disappearing as you slip in to a slumber, then all of a sudden you are awoken as it sucks and absorbs the vital fluid from your face, like a blood fueled gluttonous fiend of the night.

This causes you to hit your self, hit your own face like a retard on crack in hope of destroying the beast, repeatedly slap, slap, slapping through the night.

Then your apprehension drops for a moment or two in the hopes that you have killed this insect of suffering. But alas he perpetually,regularly, repeatedly and unceasingly returns in a blood fueled rage ready for his vengeance. The complete humiliation is too much to bare. The disgrace of being outsmarted by a lesser life form night after night causes mental pain. A sickness rises to your stomach every night when the hour of sleep approaches and the reoccurring memories of previous battles with the mosquito floods your head.

If you can empathize with this dramatic indecent there may finally be a solution around the corner (other than suffocating yourself with copious amounts of Pyrasol)...

Scientist Ulrich Bernier of the United States Department of Agriculture has discovered an 'invisibility cloak' of sorts that uses human compounds to block mosquitos' sense of smell. The chemical could easily be added to many cosmetics or lotions.

It's not the first 'break through' this year in repellent of the little fuckers. Back in April the National Research Center in Egypt in collaboration with the Entomology and Pharmaceutical Industries departments, and Textile Industries Division, succeeded in manufacturing insect repellent and anti-microbial fabrics by encapsulating the active ingredients in insect repellents from a natural plant.

Unfortunately it may still be be a few years yet till these inventions are out on the market. As such the battle continues...