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8 Things That Suck About Riding A Motorcycle In Cairo

Our photographer, Ahmed Najeeb, is always going on about how awesome his bike is, but apparently there are also a few things that royally suck about being a biker in Cairo.

Bikers abroad are badass, what with their leather jackets and adventurous spirits, roaming freely across the world's freeways and open roads. Cairo bikers are equally badass - well, the ones who aren't overcompensating for their alpha shortcomings by zipping around on a rickety hunk of junk. I'm told that I always goes on about how amazing it is to be a biker in Cairo and that the office never stops hearing about my adventures on my bike. This may or may not be true. My bike is awesome, okay? It's a time saver, money saver, za7ma beater, and all-around awesome experience that leaves the biker free to embrace his surroundings and take in the fresh Cairene air - that sounds a little oxymoronic, doesn't it? But it can't be rainbows and butterflies for all the city's countless bikers, can it? While the pros outweigh the cons, there are some things about biking in Cairo that really suck...
 
Riding a bike isn't actually that easy.

Everyone else thinks that we just zoom around everywhere and that it's a breeze; let me clarify - we feel the breeze but riding the bike itself is not a breeze. It's not easy. We technically use both our hands and both our feet to ride this thing, and even our body movements on the bike are important to keep the bike steady.
 
Our hands are always dirty.

We swear that we wash our hands a million times a day - they just don't look clean because we bike. That probably goes back to all that fresh Cairo air we encounter all the time. But I guarantee that our hands are clean - they just don't look like it.
 
Road bumps hurts like a bitch.

When you're in a car and you hit a bigass bump on the road, it's just your ass that moves a little off your eat, and maybe your head hits the ceiling of the car - that's it! For us, it's a pain where the sun don't shine that's 10 times worse than sitting in a car.
 
Other drivers hates us.

This one is a given, but come on, why are you always so mean to us? Just move your giant car into its proper lane so I can pass between the lanes. I get it, though, sometimes we scare you with some of our delivery-guy-style moves. It's just that you guys are so slow and we're fast - there's a different sense of time and speed.
 
We're not allowed to park in public garages. 

We can park almost anywhere, except that one building that was made for everyone else to park their cars. Egyptian logic. 

Our bikes can easily get stolen.

This is the down side to being able to park anywhere. Our bikes are so light (relatively, of course) that people can just lift them up and leave with them. You don't see people just casually carrying a car around under their right arm, do you?
 
It's bad idea to go out on a date or to a fancy place on a motorbike.
 
You just can't ride in this city in a tuxedo, good shoes, or wearing some nice perfume, without getting filthy and showing up an absolute mess.
 
We always get over-searched or even bullied by the police.
I don't know why they just overdo it with us; do they think we don't have enough money to buy a car? Do they think we're criminals that plan to rob a place and run? I really don't get it.