Saturday December 2nd, 2023
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9 Reasons To Love A 'Kersh'

Hassan Abdeltawab is kershy and he knows it.

Staff Writer

'El wa7id min gheir kersh, zay Google min gheir search.' Simply said, a kersh (belly) is awesome. I personally pity all you kershless humans out there. My kersh has been with me through everything; all the good and the bad times. He was always there without question or judgment. I really don’t get these abs-obsessed exercise junkies who spend their lives trying to get rid of that one most special human element meant to be cherished. Seriously, who would rather have six tiny friends rather than just one big friend? Well in case you haven’t noticed already, I am about to tell you all the different ways a kersh is sexy and beneficial.

The Kersh Table

I for one always feel the need to multitask. I like to play on my phone as I drink a Coca-Cola and smoke a cigarette with some food to munch on close by. So that's a cig in one hand, phone in the other; akeed I won’t use my feet ya3ni. Thankfully, I have my good old kersh right there as a table to rest my F&B on. Go find a table skinny dude!

The Kershy Prestige

El kersh heeba! It could mean a multitude of things. Having a kersh could signify wealth because you have all this money to buy food - but then again a lot of less fortunate people are quite rich in kershiness. It could also mean a richness in personality because a kershful person enjoys life and consumes its different flavours with disregard for societal expectations - but that could be seen as greed. Let me hit a more basic angle; no one messes with a guy with a good ol' genuine kersh because it adds this sense of prestige that earns you a form of reverence.

The Kersh Shield

Ok, this one can be seen in different ways as well. First off, most people wouldn’t be stupid enough to start a fight with a big kershful guy. Most of the time when I had to be part of a fight to support friends, our opponents would just run off or back down because they would rather not deal with me beating them up. I am not even that strong but it is fun to pretend to be. There are two downsides to that though; people are naturally intimidated by you before getting to know you, and if the fight actually does start, everyone goes for the big guy first - it's just unfair! But on the flip side, normally in fights, people have the use of their arms, legs, and feet but we get an extra utility: the kersh. You could use it to block hits or even strike opponents when your limbs are too busy.

The Kersh Tabla

Not everyone has the luxury of having a musical instrument on hand all the time to help release that inner musician. It really is just amazing to have your very own tabla on hand 24/7. It is actually quite complex too. You can use the sides for a snare effect, the front for basic thumps, the belly button for a bass-like sound, or the top for the quick beats.

The Kersh Blanky

Winter - bring it on! I am always ready as my warmth is built-in ya habibi. No need for all the heavy and expensive winter clothes if you have a kersh to keep you safe and warm. That perfect extra layer upon layer of embraceable warming fat makes you feel just like you are cuddling with your blankie.

The Kersh Bolster

I don’t know about all of you people but I strongly believe that sleeping on your side or sleeping kersh-down is the most comfy way to sleep. The only way to fully enjoy those snuggly relaxing positions is if you have a kersh. When sleeping on your side the kersh acts as a cushion that keeps you from losing balance because it holds you steady in position. When doing the kersh-down sleep, the kersh helps keep your body on level with your head that is lifted higher by the pillow.

The Kersh Buddy

I talk to him, I hang with him, I laugh with him, and I even smoke with him. He is that one true buddy I will always have and trust. He will always be there for me, he will listen to me attentively, he won’t be judgmental, he won’t mock me, and he will just share all my moments. Habibi ya kershi!

The Kersh Dance

Dance is all about body movement and feeling the music take control of your body so you can unleash that inner fire in dance. Having that one extra element to utilise as I dance makes all the difference. I can express more and do more on the dance floor than everyone else. I can even swing faster from side to side because my kersh kinda throws the weight to one side, creating a pull.

The Kersh El Sexy

Haters gonna hate and I don’t care what people think about this part. I truly believe that I have a very sexy kersh. It isn’t just one of those random blobs that hang down with no purpose; it is a piece of art that was sculpted to express true sexiness. Each kersh is like a fingerprint; unique and different from all others. My kersh's got talent, sexiness, and swag. Kfaya 7ekd!