Tuesday July 23rd, 2024
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4 Unsolved Egyptian Mysteries

Phenomena that no one can explain...

Staff Writer

4 Unsolved Egyptian Mysteries

Egypt is a country of a great many mysteries, some of which we really can't quite wrap our heads around. They are the greatest unsolved myseries of our time really...

1. The Mutant Pinky Phenomenon

There is a phenomenon amongst a certain sector of Egyptian males in the country of growing out one's pinkie nail to a freakishly unnatural length. MEN SHOULD NOT GROW OUT PINKIE NAILS. Scientists (and by scientists, we mean us) have yet to conclusively get to the heart of the purpose of this growth. Many theories and opinions attempting to explain this phenomenon have been offered, but no one can seem to agree. Some of the more popular ones we've come across are: mechanics, drivers and the like allegedly have it to screw and unscrew screws and such. This theory seems unfounded because any girl can tell you that so much as struggling to open the wrapper of a water bottle can cause nail breakage. We imagine that turning a metal screw would cause similar damage. A couple other goodies are that they use it to pull a cigarette from a pack of Cleopatra's, to turn the page or to stir their 2ahwa, but really, does one need a mutant fingernail to do any of the above? We've all managed just fine without one. The most popular assumption is that it is a tool for picking one's nose and ears, but we have yet to find a reliable source to confirm this. Surely they can buy cotton buds to clean out their ears. When asked, these pinkie-wielding men of the country will vehemently deny this so it makes it hard for us to really know… Another theory is that they use it to pick locks. If that's the case, then we here at the CairoScene office will be growing out our pinkies so we can start a breaking and entering spree…We could use a little injection of cash. But seeing as there is a general lack of consensus on this issue, numerous theories have been presented but none unanimously agreed upon, if anyone out there has any further insight on this very important matter, kindly enlighten us. Thanks!

2. The Heterosexual 2angaja Tendency

There is a common tendency amongst many a male in our population, to walk arm in arm. Instead of strolling in a nice, heterosexual manner down the Corniche, with the normal human six inches of space between each other, as God intended platonic friends to walk, they instead opt to walk me2angajeen – arms linked and happily bouncing down the street like it's the most natural thing in the world. It’s not. The confusion, the mystery really, is that in a country that's rife with raging homophobia, it seems odd that two men linking arms while they walk would be common practice. We mean, it really couldn’t get any gayer if they tried. If the men of our nation are so damn afraid/horrified by homosexuality then how do they justify walking like a gay couple? This act of 2angaja really suggests a degree of gayness that far surpasses that of the most flamboyant gay person we know. Ok, so that may not be entirely true, but it's pretty damn gay. Yet another unsolved mystery. We'll stop one of these couples sometime and ask.

3. The 'B' and 'P' Switcheroo

Another thing that confounds us to our core is the Egyptian swapping of a 'b' for a 'p'. We would understand if, due to the Arabic nature of our speech, the majority of Egyptians couldn't pronounce the 'p' sound, much like those pesky foreigners can never seem to master the '7a' sound. We mean, we are nothing if not understanding. But the pickle here is, they can pronounce the 'p' sound. They just decide to swap it around. Bebsi. Pikini. Why? Why?  We need a nationwide refresher course in this.

4.  The Racism Ramifications

Despite the fact that we are essentially considered brown on the race spectrum, we still manage to be supremely racist. We thought that right was reserved for humans of the Caucasian variety but apparently not. It's not a right exactly, it's actually a hugely negative thing, but the question is how can so many Egyptians be racist against black people if we are just a few shades lighter? And not always that many shades lighter in many circumstances. Just to be entirely clear, if the politically incorrect term for African Americans is n****s then FYI we are sand n*****s, which officially puts us both in the same category, essentially rendering our racism towards 'el sood' a real fucking mystery to us.