Egypt: A country where a girl has to be 18 to vote against the passing of a law that says she can get married at 9.
— Yasmina (@YazibelleXO) December 1, 2012

The waiter didn't tell me the meat i was eating was pork; I was so angry I dropped my glass of wine. #MuslimRage
— Yousif El Helw (@elhelwy) September 17, 2012

البرايت سايد منين لو سمحت؟
— M. Adel (@m3adel) June 3, 2014

Do you smoke? Yes. Do you drink? Yes. Do you eat pork? WTF, that's haram. #EgyGangsta
— Kurt Galalah (@KurtGalalah) December 22, 2012

I'm sorry to break it to you, Egyptians, but a whore is a woman who gets paid for sex, not any girl that does something you disapprove of.
— Yasmina (@YazibelleXO) October 23, 2013

"I want my girlfriend to be hot & wild but I want my sister to be a pure saint." -- Arab Men.
— R.Q™ (@Ramitology) July 25, 2012

New business idea: I'm going to open a restaurant and name it "Mesh far2a" "Ha, 3ayzeen terooho fein?" "Mesh far2a" Trust me on this.
— Yousif El Helw (@elhelwy) September 15, 2013

"El bent leeha som3a." Som3a deh te2olooha l wa7ed esmo Ismael.
— Yasmina (@YazibelleXO) March 25, 2012

If Morsi and Mubarak were drowning in the Nile and you could only save one, what topping would you add to your koshary?
— Yousif El Helw (@elhelwy) March 23, 2013

الدول عندها رئيس سابق واحنا عندنا رئيس سوابق
— Marwan Imam (@TheOnlyWarman) April 13, 2011

Britain: Excuse me. Italy: Permesso. France: Pardon. Canada: Sorry. Egypt: Matbos odamak ya kos-omak.
— Kurt Galalah (@KurtGalalah) April 26, 2013

برغم فشلها في تربية معظمكم، كل سنة و أمهاتكم طيبة.
— Dina Wassef (@DiWassef) March 20, 2014

المهندس اللي رسم المعادي عملها في نص ساعة رسم كشك، محل ورد، وميدان وشارع و هاتك يا copy and paste لحد لما الكمبيوتر هنج منه فا سلم #المعادي
— B. (@BikoB) January 9, 2013

In Cairo, you go inside for fresh air.
— Joseph (@JoeyRation) December 2, 2012

Walk like an Egyptian... Fe nos deen om el share3.
— Adly (@TheAdly) June 20, 2012

لأ تؤجل عمل اليوم الى الغد، انت عندك الاسبوع كله.
— R.Q™ (@Ramitology) November 22, 2012

النهارده حصل موقف رجعلي الأمل في مصر. كنت سايق و العربية اللي قدامي أدت إشارة يمين قبل ما يلف. هو أينعم دخل شمال بعد كده بس تعتبر خطوة.
— Joseph (@JoeyRation) May 14, 2012

ليه السمك بيتلخبط في نفسه؟ تشابه أسماك. هاهاهاهاهاهاهاهاهاهاهاهاهاهأنفولوهاهاهاهاهاهاهاهاها
— Joseph (@JoeyRation) May 30, 2013

عمرو دياب دايماً محتاس في أغانيه. أنا عايش و مش عايش. أحبك أكرهك. قمرين دول ولا عنين. أنا رايح فين أنا راجع تاني.
— Joseph (@JoeyRation) March 14, 2013

إلاهي يا شيخ كل ماتروح السوبر ماركت، يديك بالباقي لبان
— Marwan Imam (@TheOnlyWarman) December 29, 2011

الأرصاد الجوية: شَلَح و إجري.
— Dina Wassef (@DiWassef) May 30, 2014

Enta Muslim walla Christmas? Tab casoleek wala brostitue walla dinner box?
— Marwan Imam (@TheOnlyWarman) August 7, 2012

Egypt will forever be in my heart. The Egypt I know, not the one I see today.
— Kareem Mokhtar (@KMokhtar) December 23, 2012

يمكن ده مش وقته بس لازم يشوفوا حل لعلبة الزبادي اللي أول ما بتخلص بتبقى أخف من المعلقة و تقع على جنبها.
— Joseph (@JoeyRation) December 7, 2012

Arab Parents: You're not old enough to live alone, but you are old enough to get married and RAISE YOUR CHILDREN.
— Farah Sadek (@FarahSadek_) September 22, 2014

فيات ١٢٧ و لازق ستيكر ترنسفورمرز. يا أخي اختشي دي لو اتحولت هتبقى برنتر.
— Joseph (@JoeyRation) October 26, 2014

God, we were asking for mercy, not Morsi.
— Joseph (@JoeyRation) December 28, 2012

Arab Parents vs. Dreams
— Farah Sadek (@FarahSadek_) August 10, 2014

"Page not found" Mama: tab law geit w la2et-ha?
— Riad (@RiadShaheen) June 1, 2014

That moment when you accidentally bite on a 7abahhan and you feel like your life is ending.
— Kareem Mokhtar (@KMokhtar) January 8, 2013

"Esmek eh?" - "esmy Nahla" - "tab haty 3asal" - "Ba2olak Nahla" - "Tab haty bala7"
— D (@_Ersh) July 14, 2012

2ool 3alaya magnoon law ma2aretsh el tweet deh b-soot Hesham 3abbas.
— D (@_Ersh) April 17, 2013

"Ta3raf tor2os niggar?" - Egyptians asking whether you know how to breakdance. @ShitEgyptianSay
— Kareem Mokhtar (@KMokhtar) March 6, 2012

"call 911!!!!" "la2 begad, et2aly shwaya eh el habal da, estany howa yekalemek el awal mateb2eesh madloo2a"
— Dalya El Maghraby (@DalyaElMaghraby) April 6, 2014

*Calls internet provider* - 3ayez ashtarek fel internet - Bas 7adretak moshtarek 3andena already - mana 3aref bas 7asetko mesh 3arefeen..
— Riad (@RiadShaheen) March 3, 2014

In Egypt, you only have three seasons: Summer, Winter, and Wedding.
— Kareem Mokhtar (@KMokhtar) September 3, 2012

- bekam el jacket dah? - 9000 - lel asaf mafish meno large - fi ya fandem - mafish meno eswed - fi bardo 7adretak - mafish feloos, MABSOOT?
— Riad (@RiadShaheen) October 14, 2013

- wa7eshny! - wenta kaman - ta3ala nenzel el naharda - la2 mesh lel daraga
— Riad (@RiadShaheen) March 22, 2014

Wa7da 7arrana w gozha mesh rady yefta7 el takeef: "Enta 2albak AC awi"
— Reem Khorshid (@ReemKhorshid) July 22, 2012

Me: I have dreams! Egypt: No. Me: I have a different opinion! Egypt: No. Me: I want to watch a few YouTube videos? Egypt: No.
— Farah Sadek (@FarahSadek_) October 2, 2013

"meen el 3ayel el shaz da" - Egyptian guys. On any guy who looks/dresses better than them.
— Dalya El Maghraby (@DalyaElMaghraby) April 22, 2013

Fee eh ya Louis? Harry Styles mokalmat w 3ammal te Zayn 3aleih men el sob7 keda leeh? Allah yekhrebeit Liam eli 3ereftak feeha ya me Niall.
— Gasser Gelgel (@Gwesome) January 1, 2014

Felashaya, cdeehaya, trackaya, tweetaya. Who's Aya and why is she everywhere?
— Reem Khorshid (@ReemKhorshid) July 30, 2013

The higher your expectation, the louder the you will be hit علي قفا امك.
— Reem Khorshid (@ReemKhorshid) June 8, 2012

Dear Egypt, repeat after me: it's bad to smoke. not: it's bad FOR A GIRL to smoke.
— Mohamed. (@MoeSolitary) December 13, 2014

Me: Ana ma3 Morsy timeline: KHAYNA. ERHABYA. IKHWAN. Me: Ana ded Morsy T: enti 3ayza el geesh yeego?? Me: Tet7ere2 masr T: MAFISH ENTEMA2??
— Samaka (@NoraBelAleph) July 3, 2013

"t7bi ma3 el ordar abble bay aw sandee?" "Law sandy helwa mafish mashakel"
— Samaka (@NoraBelAleph) October 3, 2012

الناس ٣ أنواع: واحد أهله ربوه. وواحد الدنيا ربته. وواحد ربى نفسه. أكتر واحد بحترمه هو اللي ربى نفسه وده على فكرة بيبقى أكتر واحد يتخاف منه.
— الوغد (@Shady_Ismail) December 27, 2014

Heard there was a fight at AUC. Did someone spill the other guy's skinny latte over his neon sweatpants or what?
— āmenah a. (@aimiekins) October 24, 2012

We live in a country were public urination is normal and hugging in the street isn't.
— Abdallah (@_kisho) September 8, 2012

When grandparents pass away, they take a big part of Eid, Ramadan, life... with them.
— Mohamed. (@MoeSolitary) August 5, 2013

How exactly do people find pride in being uneducated in their own mother tongue? I for one regret not putting enough effort learning it.
— A k (@AhmedSKassem) June 8, 2013

*Egyptian singers at concerts*: 70% "Sa22affoolo!!", 29.1% "Yalla hobba ma3aya!!" and 0.9% lyrics.
— Gasser Gelgel (@Gwesome) August 13, 2012

Parents who name their kids 'Ahmed/Mohamed' could've just named them 'whatever'...
— MA (@MTeeAmr) January 14, 2012

Mom to me: RABENNA YAKHDAK ARAFTOONY ENTA W EKHWATAK! Mom to the cat: Ya gameela, se7eity wana baza3a2lo? Ma3lesh, ma3lesh.
— Abdallah (@_kisho) January 9, 2013

بقالي كتير فشخ عامل هندي. مفروض يدوني الجنسية.
— Abdallah (@_kisho) March 26, 2013

Bad English: ignorance. Bad Arabic: cute. World: fucked up.
— Tee W. (@teewahby) May 13, 2012

نفسي أعرف واحد إسمه بيبرس ... و أما الجرس يرن أقول "الظاهر بيبرس"
— Mohamed El Baradey (@baradex) September 21, 2012

When Shik Shak Shok starts playing, you get a glimpse of the inner Egyptian in all girls.
— Kareem Gamroor (@Gamroor) January 19, 2012

There is "hot" then there is "yekhrebet gamal ommak".
— MA (@MTeeAmr) July 13, 2012

Fuck adulthood and growing up, fuck Egypt for making my friends leave searching for better lives, fuck separation and unachieved dreams.
— Masry (@YassElmasry) December 24, 2012

Life in Egypt: Survival of the fittik.
— Hegazi (@HegaziNotHegazy) April 22, 2012

عزيزي العربي، بعد إعصار ساندي الأمريكان هيقفوا على رجلهم وهيعرفوا يواجهوا أعاصير أحسن من الأول. وأنت هتفضل زي ما أنت عايش وسط الزبالة. عادي.
— مو Mo (@MohHKamel) October 30, 2012

نفسي أعرف واحد إسمه بيبرس ... و أما الجرس يرن أقول "الظاهر بيبرس"
— Mohamed El Baradey (@baradex) September 21, 2012

"فراخ. شاورما فراخ." - جيمس بوند بيطلب شاورما.
— Wattar (@Wattar__) August 22, 2012

My cooking brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like "فيه ريحة حاجة بتتحرق عند حضرتك"
— Sarah Fadell (@SFadell) June 20, 2012

We Arabs put the "war" in "حوار"
— Masry (@YassElmasry) September 23, 2013

#PhrasesIHate عارف كيو نت؟
— Sherief Ahmed Hassan (@TheSherio) August 10, 2011

و بالنسبة للولاد المصريين اللي بيتبتروا عالبنات المصرييات... لأ حوش حوش يا براد بيت. حاسب الحلاوة اللي بتشر منك يالا. #بلا_هم
— Emm Kay (@emmkaff) November 1, 2012

تامر هجرس بيعمل فيلم جديد اسمه قوس قزح... بيلعب فيه دور اللون البرتقاني
— قاهر الفولورز (@seksek) August 31, 2012

Ask an Egyptian where the G-spot is, he'll say "بص حضرتك، حتخش يمين هنا، تفوت أول تقاطع، تاني واحد، فوتو بردك، خوش التالت شمال و إسأل هناك"
— Foxycakes™ (@Foxicakes) May 29, 2011