10 Social Media Interventions Egyptian Parents Need

Our parents need social media interventions. From the quirky to the downright absurd, our parents are weird on social media. It's all very reminiscent of days when they would show up at our schools - and we’d hide - except with social media there’s nearly no place to go and nowhere to hide. Here are some of those things they really need to stop doing:

Morning Memes

Good morning; happy Eid; happy New Year, happy Wednesday the 23rd. We all know those Facebook timelines memes; you know, like the cat holding a cup of coffee floating down the river while carrying a bouquet of flowers - that sort of thing. Those memes are supposed to help you have a nicer day or something - they don't. They need to stop.

Unavoidable Groups

Whether it’s Facebook or Whatsapp, once your parents become tech savvy enough to start groups, you literally have no option but to endure the painfully outdated memes and repost jokes. Every time you try to leave you, get re-added, so there’s no point of trying to leave; just take a deep breath and enjoy the humour.

Internet Gaming

Beware of this one. If your parents or close family get into it, your life is destroyed. While there is a way to stop game invites, there’s no way to get them to shut up about reaching level whatever-hundred at family gatherings.

Sisi Love

Regardless of your political views, and whether or not you’re a supporter of Sisi, our parents are more than just supporters - most of them are fanatical about the dude, and they will not lose that dramatic Egyptian edge when asking you to like his picture, or pray for Egypt, in a way that seems more like a soap opera tearjerker than an actual Facebook post.

10-Years-Too-Late Academic Research

We all need to know the 10 benefits of asparagus, obviously. Or, better yet, the fact that McDonald’s is terrible for you, complete with a link to Supersize Me in 2015. We get it, mom. 

Facebook Friendships

Good luck adjusting your privacy settings, let alone un-friending them or not accepting their friend requests, because you will be constantly harangued until you give in and accept them, fully knowing you have personally opened the flood gates of social media hell upon yourself.

 Safety Precaution Posts

While they come from a place of love and care, it’s when they overdo it that it starts to get on our nerves. How is carrying a whistle, or an iPhone app, ever going to protect me against a pack of wild dogs, or worse?

 The Inappropriately Placed Comments

Poorly placed comments; strange selfies; and comments on posts they know nothing about - parents have no problem saying something completely abstract (Dali style) to which you either have to respond, delete, or ignore. You might RSVP to an event and find yourself being asked, on the event wall, if you remembered to turn off your A/C before leaving the house. Or, better yet, a post about their new shoes that they're hesitant about returning.

Explain The Internet To Me

When they corner you after a long day, saying, “yalla, explain this Facebook thing to me,” as though there’s a guide to it. Kudos to you if you were able to successfully explain it to them without having to flee the tutorial midway.

 Emoji-mania

Upon discovering emojis, they not only use them liberally, but also out of context. It takes one iPhone and one Egyptian mom to completely ruin any post with her use of emojis.