Monday May 20th, 2024
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Why Mo Salah is Everything

This man has done much, much more than meets the eye to get to where he is, and we’re celebrating him in our own humble way.

Staff Writer

Why Mo Salah is Everything

We’re going to come clean about something painfully obvious; Mohamed Salah, apart from being one of humanity’s more exemplary individuals, has been our bread and butter for the past god-knows how long it’s been so far. We could wax poetic about his skills like we always do and just call it a day, on account of how he just got voted as the FPA’s Players of the Year, or we could collect some of the best examples of the young pharaoh’s prowess, his fans’ efforts at admiration, and the many memes that followed.

We’ve decided to make that choice for you and go with the latter, so without further ado…

He’s a Class Act

Mo worked his way to the tippy top of football fame through years of dedication, trials, tribulations and all manner of challenge, but no matter what position he finds himself in, he’s never one to forget where he came from. We’ve all heard of his inspirationally charitable deeds every here and there, but to hear about his dedication to his hometown of Nagrig in the governorate of Gharbia is something else entirely.

Good old Salah is worth about £200 million, and he doesn’t spend it on Lamborghinis; he makes sure to spend a large chunk of his hard earnings on Nagrig, going so far as to fund the building of a direly needed medical center, complete with all manner of medical machinery, equipment and accoutrements required. He’s also funding the town’s first school for girls, so that the town’s female students don’t have to go out of town on a bus just to get a future, he also makes sure the entire town is fed out of his own pocket each month. He even funded an all-weather football pitch and a bunch of gym equipment for his old school.

The Man Can Dance

You don’t get to where Magic Mo is right now without knowing how to tango on a football pitch, and our young pharaoh sure know how to dribble with the best of them. Need proof? It’s right here in the video pudding.

He’s a Method Player

Oftentimes, you’ll need to think like your enemy if you were to ever overcome them. In football, the opposing team might seem like your clear-cut enemy, but that’s not really the case. If anything, it’s that damn ball (why else would there be a game dedicated entirely to kicking the motherfucker), and as such, Mo does his best to learn from the ball, observe the ball, become the ball. When ball and man become one, that’s when you get shit tonnes of trophies.

Contemplate the ball

Embrace the ball

Work for the ball

Hang out with the ball

He’s a Musical Muse

Ever since time immemorial, folks have been using the pure gift of music to sing songs in honour if immortal heroes, great men of industry, skillful warriors and slightly attractive men and women sitting at a bar. Sure, everybody in the football world gets a chant of their own, but our boy gets the deluxe treatment with both an adorable fan chant AND a catchy remix to boot. One of his chants even works to break down religious barriers, going to show that folks truly aren't bleak and evil to the core.