Egypt’s Central Administration of Zoos Vehemently Defends Nasr City’s 'Zebra'

In a spot of strategically-painted news this fine Sunday morning, Mohamed Regaey - head of Egypt’s Central Administration of Zoos (which is a thing that exists) – has gone on record to deny any slanderous accusations of the infamous Nasr City donk-Zebra being a regular old Egyptian ass.

Members of the United Nation's Zebra Committee upon hearing the statement

“You can come and try to erase the painted stripes and make sure if the animal is a zebra or a donkey,” said Regaey to Sada al-Balad, adding that all private gardens and zoos of any size or nature are monitored and licensed entirely by the government. However, according to many veterinarians, zoologists and people who really like David Attenborough, it is impossible for the proposed zebra to be an actual…zebra.

What do you think, Derek?

According to Alex Adams – a wildlife biologist and researcher at Colorado State University, “The stripes (on a zebra) are always defined, never smudged, and zebras can be small, but never that small. The ears are rounded, not oblong and pointy, and of course zebras have black skin, answering that age-old question of them being black with white stripes,” he told The Independent.

Relevant imagery

God help us all if somebody like Mr. Regaey is in possession of any measure of power. In the meantime, we’ve discovered that a Zonkey does, in fact, exist.